Firestarting and Magic

Holy shit-do I feel on fire!

Which is awesome-because we are currently snowed in with the possibility of losing our power and we may need the heat.

Okay-my book was supposed to be completed and out in the world by now. By last month-and it’s not. My children’s book was supposed to be done by now and it’s not. I was supposed to have 500 likes on my writers page and I don’t. I was supposed to have double the Twitter followers and I don’t.

BUT IT IS ALL OKAY.

I am WORKING. I am back at my desk–(with my new keyboard because Shine poured coffee all over my last one. Mea Culpa for thinking a toddler, a computer and a full mug were okay to walk away from)

I am on fire because I’m aligning my strengths with my passions with my family life with my hearts desires. And it may not happen overnight. I may not meet all of my deadlines-the world may interfere with my proposed momentum–but I am here-showing up. And THAT alone makes me so elated.

I have a LOT of work to do yet. And it IS work, but it’s also not. It’s also the easiest, truest thing I could be doing.

I’m not at a point where I am confused about what my life’s purpose is. I KNOW what it is. In all of it’s big and small forms. I know what I’m good at and what I am not good at–and I am DONE with trying to fit into things that I will never fit into. Things you DON’T want me doing: solving your mathematical problems, doctoring you, remembering things, getting you home on time, getting pretty much anywhere on time…and it does go on from there.

I just started Damielle LaPorte’s come to Jesus sit down with the self-“The FireStarter Sessions” and YES! Within ONE session-she reminded me just how on fire I am about what I’m doing right now and where I’m going. I WANT that extraordinary life–and she reminded me that not only can I have it, I already do.

If you’re into that self awareness, awake your life, kind of thing-I urge you to grab the book and get the downloads. Because I’m stoked to go on this journey and discover all that I can and I’d love that for you too.

Also, I just finished Elizabeth Gilberts “BIG MAGIC” and it’s an absolute must read for anyone out there questioning their creativity, worth, life, choices–such a powerful affirmation for those that live creative lives in all capacities.

I feel so inspired by these women I can ALMOST ignore there’s a cranky toddler yelling at me right now.

“If it doesn’t light you up, you’re not the right person for the job.”

I have to go.

Off reading and dreaming,

Beaufield

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Bowie Inspired

I’ve been stuck. I’ve been in this writing rut-the same place I always get it. The home stretch. The finishing bits. The edits.

THE END.

I’ve been questioning every decision I’ve made. Balancing on the words that are fiction versus the non fiction. Where am I finding honesty and where I am rewriting history?

Are these motives strong enough-just because they really happened? Will this be understood? What am I doing?

And then, early this morning on a routine Facebook check I got the news,  David Bowie passed away.

David Bowie, electric and unapologetic and true, always true to himself as an artist. No matter the critics, cynics, people who didn’t understand, thought he was too much….

And I swear it all clicked.

This is MY work. MY name. My blood in every word, every hour, every emotion, every turn on the page that was blank before we met. I don’t need to write for censors, for people who don’t “get it” out of fear they won’t like it. It doesn’t matter.

If I’m writing for the truth. Then I have to remain true.

I had a play pulled last year and one of the inciting reasons was the powers that be didn’t think it was “finished”-when I knew all along that the loudest mouth just didn’t like it.

And I questioned everything. Whats wrong with the script, with me as a writer, with me as a person, I’m never writing a script again–and on and on. Swirling around in that rejection that can absolutely kill an artist at their core.

I was supposed to make it nicer, more main stream, less “raunchy”, more like the other play. The play with all the women, none of the cursing, and all the audience. I was supposed to water it down and still stand by it like it was mine.

I’d rather die.

Can you imagine people who din’t respect your work  telling you what to do with your work? *Currently laughing* and then you change it to make them happy?

I jumped back into the edits this morning-feeling more resolved and determined as ever to remain real to my aesthetic and my vision for MY body of work.

There is no one in control here but me.  There is no one I’m writing for but me.

 

This is what I leave behind to my children and grandchildren–this is how you build history and legacy. And it’s never by fitting in someone else’s status quo. And somewhere-I started wanting to do that. Wanting to assimilate. Wanting to be one of the masses–because, really, it does make life “easier”–when it comes to the people who ultimately don’t matter anyway-

I’m digressing. The point is-fuck that.

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Thank you for the reminder and the legacy. I’ve always been more David Bowie than Betty Crocker, and regardless of how other people feel, it’s been time to remember that.

Off writing,

Beaufield