Finding your tribe; a manifestation post.

I took a creative visualization course yesterday. I actually jumped out of bed, into the truck and drove to the other side of town for it. Which is HUGE for me, Ms. Excuses-not-to-leave-the house-ever. So the class was going–vision boards, meditation, all that good stuff and we came upon the subject of “Tribes.” Finding your tribe, having one. And the conversation really took off.

The idea of having a tribe isn’t “new” to me, I started exploring this about three years ago when working for a Branding Agency who was obsessed with this distinction and who were decidedly NOT my tribe. (But when I left, I took a few of them with me, who were)

My novel, “Childhood Friends” also deals with the topic in a returning home way and how the friends you grew up with, may no longer be your tribe today. The more you become your authentic self, the less you are willing to accept inauthentic people and things in. Even when it’s incredibly hard to see your life without them, but you know it’s for the best.

So, when I found out I was pregnant I had this real grounding moment. I didn’t’ want to deal with any bullshit. That string of bad boyfriends I’ve mentioned, all of that negative emotion, drama–although I was away from it–I knew it was still playing tennis somewhere in my heart, mind, body. Because if I’m not intentional in clearing something out, it lies dormant in there, waiting for the perfect moment to come up again with ugly names like; Shame, fear, self abuse, alcohol abuse, drunk texting etc.

SO, I very intentionally sat myself down and said-“I don’t want people who do not have my best interest at heart in my life. I don’t want fake people in my space, false smiles and attitudes, untrustworthy liars, bigots, backstabbers, people who talk behind my back–” I mean, I went on and on and on with these filters. I wanted to clear out the space in my gut for nothing but a positive, loving home for my son. Why I couldn’t have done that for myself years ago, I don’t know, but he was the catalyst. (I think, because I hadn’t yet convinced myself that I deserved better, but I KNEW that he did.)

Okay-people started dropping like FLIES.

FLIES. I mean, I thought I was in good with my job. They found out I was pregnant, I set that intention, BOOM–they dumped me. My best friend of 15 years, BOOM–out of here. People I had been battling working with on a creative level-BOOM, gone. And on and on like that. And I looked around like “WTF just happened?” I thought I had a good thing going. I had a great job, close knit friends, doing theater–and now ALL of these people are disappeared. I was so used to being popular. And my mentor really put it in perspective for me. She reminded me what I had asked for and let me know, ‘it’s not ALWAYS the people we think it is who don’t want the best for you. Just because you want the greatest life for them, doesn’t mean that feeling is returned. This is just what you asked for being manifested.’ 

Mind Blown. Seriously. And of course in hindsight–as I started thinking back to my interactions with ALL of these people–I realized how strained those relationships had been. There were red flags everywhere that I had ignored because I naturally assumed that we were all here for each other. And if I had listened to my GUT, I wouldn’t have been so surprised. Even, and maybe especially, with the person I was friends with for so long. I was so used to being loyal to others, I’d forgotten to be loyal to my own instincts.

I look at the people around me now, the friends still left, and I know they are truth tellers. They don’t bullshit me. Even when I BEG them too. They are here for me and my family and they value what I give them as a friend–which is everything I have. AND, I’ve had these brilliant, funny, adventurous NEW friends join my tribe (through my new vetting process) and they are what I started asking for. The people that are going to take me to the next level and the ones I’m taking with me, do-ers and dreamers, connected and conscious. And NOT berating me at their family gatherings to feel good about themselves–(which is another story for another time) My tribe has grown so strong and although the pain of losing those other folks WAS heartbreaking and palpable at the time–THANK YOU UNIVERSE, for showing me the truth.

Tribe Goals:

Honesty, hilarity, passion, action, doing things, dreaming BIG, secure, vulnerable, grown AF, nose to the grindstone NOT in the air, conscious, communicative!!!! (meet me where I meet you. Not send a messenger to avoid a conversation) supportive, cards on the table, family oriented or understanding, adventurous, pushes ME, ignited, on fire, living bravely, extraordinary way with people, kind, talented, wine drinker, experienced, a student of the world,comfortable with yourself, shows me something new, partakes in joys and sorrows., creative, not competitive, not in a comparison world, loyal.

This isn’t even like some far off list of people who don’t exist. This is a list of the close friends I have today and the outline for people I want to attract AND the standard at which I’m holding myself in relationships.

If you’re feeling weird about a relationship in your life, I would suggest reevaluating it. Sometimes the grass really is greener


Who is in YOUR TRIBE?

Off making friends,



I had this text exchange last night with my best friend, Jill. As you’ll learn I do have a few best friends. All completely different from each other (which is the best) some of them have never even met. AND, after decluttering my friend circle over the past few, growing years, have really earned their place in my life story. But J, (as I call her) has been my road dog for 15 years now! We have so many experiences and can absolutely count on each other for anything. I know I can’t think of one thing I wouldn’t do for her.

Jill, is SO many things. She spent the past few years moving around the country and participating in public service jobs after law school and frequently changing her hair color. She (recently?) “went vegan” and it took me a long time to adjust. Hahaha. We’re from Nebraska! I just didn’t understand. I compared myself to an elderly grandmother who got “veganism” confused with “lesbianism” and was always trying to get her to just “try a steak” because this was “just a phase.”

It wasn’t.

And the day came where I had to understand that my adventurous J, wasn’t going to be diving head first into plates of delicious aged cheeses with me, ever again. It was okay-we still had beer.

Anyway, I get this text from her last night and it REALLY made me so elated that such a beautiful quote would make her think of me. One, which is something I mention in my novel, I felt recognized. I felt like she knows me SO well, that she experiences ME in things outside of myself. Which I feel is important in true friendship. In true relationships. Those sweet moments of, “this is how you occur to me. I have to show you.” That is a terrific feeling. And two, if what reminds her of me is gratitude, endless gratitude-that means that the light I feel inside is illuminating the outside. That I’m not holding back on just how blessed I feel and the truly infinite gratitude I have for the wonderful relationships in my life.

So Wow!!

J, is the kind of person who does just what she wants, says just what she wants, doesn’t lie–I mean, I couldn’t even think of moment she was less than honest–and has no stirring to impress people. She is completely authentic within herself. And really, when a thought gets passed to you from a friend like THAT, it’s unquestionably golden. I think I can say that my dearest, closest friends today-are all that way-so it’s a beautiful thing.

Check out Jill’s book blog!